Begin with Yes

I recently read a book called Begin with Yes, by Paul S. Boynton.  After reading the book, I felt so uplifted and inspired, that I wanted to share with you some of the key points that resonated with me.  But before I get to that, I just want to give you some backstory as to how I came upon this book.

My boyfriend, Chris, actually met Paul a few months go through his work and when Chris learned that Paul was going to be the keynote speaker at a recent awards benefit, he invited me to the event to meet Paul.  After hearing Paul speak I was very intrigued and wanted to learn more about his Begin with Yes approach, so I was delighted when I found out that evening that Paul was giving away copies of his new book to all of the attendees.

I read Begin with Yes while I was travelling earlier this month for a business trip.  Paul’s book is very simple and easy to read, and eloquently written.  His writing style is very warm and engaging.  Begin with Yes is written as an inviting conversation with fun, personal anecdotes, so you feel like you’re talking with an old friend and before you know it you’ve finished the book! Don’t you just love books like that? 

I encourage you to read the book for yourself, but in the meantime here are some Begin with Yes principles to wet your appetite and inspire you to start making positive changes in your life!

1. Begin--The Best Time to Start is Now.

Paul opens his book with a Chinese adage that says: “When is the best time to plant a tree?”  The answer is “20 years ago, but the next best time is right now.”

It’s so easy to let “life get in the way” and put your needs on the back burner.  But the time to focus on yourself and your health is NOW.  Not tomorrow, not next week, not when you think you’ll have more time or more money or when your kids are grown up and on their own. 

We often tell ourselves that we’ll get back to healthy habits “when the time is right,” but the time never really is just right and the more we delay getting started the faster our health declines. 

Don’t make excuses for yourself—the time to start making healthy choices for yourself is right now!

2. Begin with Yes is All About Positive Actions.

Paul points out that personal change is less about positive attitude and more about positive actions.  He says, “change your behavior first and the positive thinking takes care of itself.”

When it comes to your health—mentally, emotionally, spiritually and physically—

there’s no doubt that the way you think impacts the state of your welling being.  But the reality is, having a positive attitude all the time is really hard!  It’s easy to stay positive when things are going well, but boy is it tough when things in your life become difficult to bear.  As Paul says, “it’s easier to steer a boat in calm waters just as it’s easier to be optimistic when things are going well.”

With a Begin with Yes approach, you focus more on your behavior and less on your attitude because the former takes care of the latter.  But to change your behavior you must first be aware of your reality so you can focus on a solution.  Keep reading to learn more about what I mean!

3. Reality is Just the Way Things Seem in the Moment.

This point is Paul’s book really struck a chord with me!  Paul says, “what’s real is less about fact and more about the spin or interpretation we place on what’s happening around us.”

Do you ever find that some things will really bother you one day, but on a different day those same things don’t seem to be as big of a deal?  Paul calls these “reality shifts.”

I was beginning to think that I had a split personality, but when I read Paul’s insightful explanation of how our realities inevitably change and how to stay “grounded in reality,” it gave me a more sensible perspective and a practical way to approach these “shifts” when they happen.   

As Paul says, some days are “beach days,” where other days the very same heat is unbearable.  “Reality shifts are inevitable, but a Begin with Yes outlook can help you stay focused and grounded no matter what kind of day you seem to be having.”

Paul’s advice when your reality is negative:  “Be gentle with yourself and the people around you.” Not just on good days, butevery day.  Here are three positive action steps Paul takes when his reality is shifting to the negative:

1. Play uplifting music (I like to watch a funny or inspirational movie.)
2. Gravitate toward others whose current realities are brighter.  (I find that talking with someone who is feeling more positive is very helpful in getting out of a funk.)

    3. Ask yourself questions.  When you ask yourself questions, it helps to uncover what actions you need to take to help you shift your current reality and move to a better place.  Here are some questions to ask yourself:

• What can I do to make this easier?
• What can I do to make things go more smoothly?
• What do I need to do to feel better?
• Once you’ve asked yourself what you need to do, take action!

In summary, to shift your reality you need to follow two steps:

1. First acknowledge your current reality.

2. Then focus less on the problem and more on the solution!

We each create our own reality based on our experiences, but choosing a better reality is a learned skilled so we can all do it!  It’s not easy or even natural for most people, but with practice it becomes second nature.  Paul says, “practice makes person.”  As your reality shifts, so do your feelings, attitudes and actions, so make your reality a positive one! 

4. If You Lack Positive People in Your Life Bringing Positive People in Should be a Priority.

Surrounding yourself with positive people is something I’ve talked about before in some of my posts.  Paul points out that if you don’t have positive people in your life “it will slow you down.”

Here’s why:  This notion is based on the “Law of Attraction” which basically states that like attracts like.  Your thoughts and feelings create energy, so if your thoughts and feelings are positive, you will draw positive people and events into your life.  If your thoughts and feelings are negative, you will draw negative people into your life.

If you don’t have positive people in your life, then by the Law of Attraction, some shifts need to be made to make sure that you do!

So who are “positive” people?  Paul says, “People who are engaged with life, who are making things happen, people who like their work or have a hobby that excites them often have a more positive outlook.”  Paul then suggests you ask yourself a few questions: “Who do you know who is engaged with life?  Then, the next question (which will lead to an action) is, how can you meet them?”  He reassures that “All it takes is connecting with one positive person.  When you find him or her, I promise there will be other positive people nearby.  There is no pond with only one fish.”

I couldn’t agree with Paul more!  I created the Friend Your Body Transformation Challenge and the Get Fit Club as a way for positive women to connect with other positive women—we are here to support, encourage and motivate each other!  So you have me, and all of the other FYB Get Fit members, as positive people in your life and our “pond” is continuing to grow!

5. Shift Your Focus from What’s Not in Your Control to Things that Are.

Feeling powerless leads to feeling discouraged and unmotivated to make positive changes in your life.  But just because you feel it, doesn’t mean it’s true!  It just means that you haven’t found your power yet!

Establishing control starts with acknowledging and accepting that, in most cases, what’s NOT in your control is other people and what IS in your control is yourself.  When you worry about or try to control your partner, friends and family, you end up making the problem yours only causing yourself more stress, anxiety and feelings of powerlessness.  With a Begin with Yesapproach you focus less on worrying about other people and put your energy into making good things happen in your own life.

Paul says. “Give up trying to control everyone.  Let it go.  Trying to control others is annoying (and boring) and it doesn’t work.  So stop trying.”

I know from personal experience this is SO true!  The times when I’ve had friction and turmoil in my relationships with friends and family are when I've tried to control the other person’s behavior.  As I’ve learned to let go, and focus on developing healthy habits for myself, my relationships with other people have become more open, trusting, and loving.  Paul’s right—trying to control someone else is very frustrating and pointless!

Here’s a final thought that goes back to the “Law of Attraction.”  It’s a quote that Paul references from the book A Return to Love, by Marianne Williamson:

“You can see the glass half empty, or you can see the glass half full.  You can focus on what’s wrong in your life, or you can focus on what’s right.  But whatever you focus on, you’re going to get more of.”

Thanks for taking the time to read this post.  Please feel free to share your thoughts about my post and tell me and the other Friend Your Body readers about some of the things that you do to shift your reality.

—I’d love to hear from you!

Your friend and coach,

Melissa